This is how I feel about my French speaking abilities:

From the Flight of the Conchords:

Here are the lyrics spelled out:

: Je voudrais une croissant :: I would like a croissant
J: Je suis enchante :: It's very nice to meet you
J: Ou est le bibliotheque? :: Where is the library

J: Voila mon passport :: Here is my passport
J: Ah, Gerard Depardieu :: Oh, Gerard Depardieu
B + J:Un baguette, ah ha ha, oh oh oh oh ::  A baguette
B: Ba Ba ba-ba Bow!
B: Foux da fa fa
Foux da fa fa fa fa
Foux da fa fa
Ah ee ah
B: Foux da fa fa
Foux da fa fa fa fa
Foux da fa fa
Ah ee ah
B: Et maintenant le voyage a la supermarche! :: And now a trip to the supermarket!
B: Le pamplemousse :: grapefruit
B: Ananas :: pineapple
B: Jus d'orange :: orange juice
B: Boeuf :: Beef
B: Soup du jour :: Soup of the day
B: Le camembert :: Camembert cheese
B: Jacque Cousteau :: Jacque Cousteau 
B: Baguettte :: Baguette!
J: Mais oui :: But yes
J: Bon jour :: Hello
F: Bon jour :: Hello
J: Bon jour :: Hello
F: Bon jour, monsieur :: Hello, sir
J: Bonjour mon petit bureau de change :: Hello my little foreign exchange office
B: Ca va? :: How are you?
L: Ca va. :: fine

B: Ca va? :: how are you?
L: Ca va. :: fine
B: Voila -- le conversation a la parc. :: here is a conversation in the park
B: Ou est le livre? :: where is the book?
J: A la bibliotheque :: at the library
B: Et le musique dance? :: and the dance music?
J: Et le discotheque. :: at the night club
B: Et le discotheque :: and the night club?
J: C'est ci, baby! :: it's here, baby!
J: Un, deux, trois, quatre :: one, two, three, four
B: Ba ba ba-ba bow!
All: Foux da fa fa
Foux da fa fa fa fa
Foux da fa fa
Ah ee ah
Foux da fa fa
Foux da fa fa fa fa
Foux da fa fa
Ah ee ah
F: Ou est le piscine? :: where is the swimming pool?
J: Pardon moi? :: what?
F: Ou'est le piscine? :: where is the swimming pool?
J: ...Uh... :: um...

F: Splish splash
J: ...Uh...
F: Eh...
J: Je ne comprends pas. :: I don't understand
F: Parlez-vous le francais? :: do you speak French?
J: Eh? :: um?
F: Eh? Parlez-vous le francais? :: do you speak French?
J: Uh ....No. :: um ... no
F: Hmmm.
B: Foux da fa fa
Foux da fa fa fa fa
Foux da fa fa
Ah ee ah
Ba ba ba-ba bow!